Can't Breathe

The shock of it all still takes me by surprise. I can't connect the two people together. You, the happy sunshine we all knew, and him, the pained, beautiful child. Is it okay that sometimes I can't breathe? That sometimes I can't put on my happy face and smile? I want you to know that I will take care of them. But who's going to take care of me? When I can't breathe? Day five of grief. It feels worse than day four. I heard of video of you singing last night and the pain came like a fresh wave. They say it's gods will maybe. But why can't I breathe.